I'll Just Pray

I go back to work tomorrow.  I haven't worked since December 21, 2011, the day before Mike met Jesus. For the first time in almost five months, I will go back to the job I enjoy and appreciate; but I will not be home with my babies.  I hired a very capable and sweet nanny for Miller, and Trent is enrolled in a great preschool.  They will be okay.  I will be okay.  It will just be different.  And I just need to pray and trust Him.

I was kind of having a pity party for myself today and counting my "problems."  I'm going back to work and leaving my children.  I'm riding with a male counterpart tomorrow, so "pumping" is going to be tough.  I am moving Miller to her crib tonight {I know, I probably should have done this earlier, but she sleeps for 8+ hours a night in the nap nanny.}  I noticed a bald spot in Trent's hair where he's been twirling {he's been twirling and sucking his thumb for years, but for some reason the spot became super obvious today.} My expensive video monitors don't reach from my room to Miller's room, so I have to deal with that tomorrow.  And the kicker... I didn't have my husband to celebrate Mother's Day with me today.  I know he would have come up with something hilarious for Trent and Miller to give me.  {We didn't go all out for holidays, but Mike was very creative.  I have a #1 wife trophy and battery-operated warming socks to prove it!}  I miss him so much.  But, instead of counting my problems, I'm trying to pray and count my blessings.

This Mother's Day, I'm super thankful for my mom.  I have an incredible mother who loves me and goes above and beyond for me and my children on a daily basis.  She loves my children as if they were her own.  She goes on countless "bear hunts" with Trent, and she discovered the secret of the bathroom fan to get Miller to fall asleep.  She never just "comes over." If she's here, she's "being productive," as she likes to describe it.  It usually involves laundry, cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, playing with trains, etc.  My children are so blessed to have her in their lives, and I pray they will realize it soon.  She listens to me complain about crazy things, and she is usually on my side; but if she doesn't agree with me, she's quick to disagree and tell me how she really feels about things.  I'm thankful we have that kind of relationship.  My sister and I are the same way.  Even though she's 3 1/2 years younger, she's taught me a lot about mothering and friendship.  She's practical and logical.  She cleaned out Miller's room tonight on a whim, and she kept it fun by making fun of me during the process:)

Obviously, I am thankful for the two blessings that made me a mom.  I could not have made it through the past four months without them.  They make me smile, laugh, and put the IN in my sane {I saw that on Facebook and thought it was hilarious.}  Trent and Miller, I thank God daily that He trusted me to be your mama.  I love you in ways I never knew that I could love- the deep, think about you all of the time, worry about small things, your smiles makes my worries fade, kind of love.  And I know I'll love you like this forever.

As I was in the middle of my pity party tonight, I checked email and clicked on Google Reader.  I read about a mother whose cancer has spread, and she's fighting for her life at UAB.  I then read about a mother who lost her 17-month old daughter.  I don't know these women personally, but I know them through their blogs, and my heart aches for them.  I'm going to pray for them, because I know that's what He tells me to do for them, but I sure wish I could do more.

I'm glad our God is bigger than our problems.  So, tonight, I'm just going to pray and thank Him for my blessings and pray for all who are hurting this Mother's Day.